THE NEW RULES

01 · From Responsibility Hoarding to Trusting Delegation

Part 1 of 3

The Skill Shift No One Warns You About

From doing the work to supporting others to get it done.

Here's something almost no one tells you when you get promoted at a senior level…

The things that got you this far are about to stop working.

It is not a sign you're failing.
It's a sign you're growing…and growth almost always, at first, feels like failing.

This rule is about the move from getting results yourself to supporting others to get them.
Your results are reflected in their success combined and your ability to lead them from A to B.

We call this delegation, which makes it sound like a task on a checklist. It isn't.

Delegating is one of the most human, vulnerable moves you'll ever make…
…and I'm going to walk you through it honestly.

The transition that trips us up

The step from doing to supporting others to do is uncomfortable for many driven over-performers
who are used to a sense of control.

As we climb the career ladder the pressure to perform increases and the ground feels less familiar.
Confidence can secretly become more fragile and make us less certain.
So, we do what anyone does when they feel uncertain. We reach for what we know works.

We do more, work harder, grip tighter.
We brave it out and drive for results to prove ourselves.

And in the process look straight past the greatest lever that gets those results: our people.
This is NORMAL…

The learning gap (…and why it's not your fault)

Getting standout results relies on influence, presence, and building relationships that people trust.

Almost no one develops the skill to delegate in a vacuum.
Here's the part worth saying aloud…
This isn't a skill issue or character flaw, it's a training failure.

• Organisations rarely proactively train anyone in how to delegate or manage others.
• These skills are assumed in high performers; you're expected to master learning curves fast.
• Few people delegate or manage well under stress, so getting a good role model is rare.
• Promotion adds a new layer of performance stress. The common response is to quietly wing it.

So…if you're winging it right now, most people are so you're in very good company.

Naming this gives you permission to try something different in the name of growth.
After all, you can always go back to what you know any time!

Why do we revert to what we know?

Most of us think a bigger role demands that we bring more.

This translates into do more, know more, be more visible, deliver better results, do it faster.

The stakes feel higher, we feel less certain and we don't know what to do about it.

So, under uncertainty, we…

• Reach for what's familiar that's carried us this far.
  This feels safe but it's only a placeholder for what a new role really asks of us.
• Carry a quiet impostor story that eats confidence.
  It's common to wing it or brave it out until we “feel more confident.”
• Hold on so tightly that we fracture the very relationships that deliver results.
  This makes life harder and more high stakes.
• Respond to increased stress and pressure by doubling down.
  Get even more task and results focussed and drive ourselves and our people harder.
• Feel a strong urge to control and perform for the power brokers.
  Control undermines relationships and results it aims to protect.

Common fears living inside us (…let's name them.)

Handing work over means trusting someone else with something that has your name on it.

This usually comes with an unspoken dose of uneasiness that may sound something like…

Most of us ignore this inner chatter and go against our gut feel believing it will somehow be OK.

I want to be gentle and clear here, because this matters.

These fears are normal but acting on them destroys the thing you're trying to protect; results.

• The REAL risk isn't losing control. It's disconnection.

• Your stress is biologically contagious and undermines your relationships and results.

The solution?

The alternative to winging it or exercising more control is ‘effective delegation.’

This means involving others to agree boundaries and expectations that protect everyone from ‘guessing’ or acting on assumptions.

What is delegation, really?

Textbooks tend to say something like:
“assigning tasks, responsibilities and authority to a subordinate to accomplish specific goals.”

Every time I read that, I sigh. It treats people like vending machines.

Delegation is the conscious practice
creating relationships based on
agreed boundaries, results,
and responsibilities.

For leaders who've mastered it, this is far from transactional.

It's rests on forming relationships of equals.

There are five types of relationship that matter.
Each type demands a slightly different approach built on mutual trust.

Putting it to work

Take each of these five relationships in turn.

For you today…

• Where does friction exist? This may show up as stress or a gut feel something's ‘off’.
• What one action could ease it? An honest conversation, a new boundary, calling something out.

Write directly in the boxes…

Humble Ninja Hints for relationship-building conversations…

• In any conversation ask vs tell: Questions are your friend.
• Keep an open mind.
  Learn the other person's perspective on the same issue BEFORE you launch yours.
• Own your feelings and thoughts.
  Use ‘I feel…’ vs treating how you feel as the one truth or a challenge. This gives you power.
• Steer away from ‘you’ or ‘I’ language in favour of ‘we.’
  Imagine you are sitting on the same side of the table.
• Steer away from ‘Why’ questions in favour of ‘What’ and ‘How’.
  Why tends to spark defensive or aggressive reactions.